Your 5 Jokes for April 21, 2014: Yuppie Jokes

Drunken Driving

One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a breath test by the Howard County Police. "Well? " he asked somewhat belligerently as the Desk Sergeant slowly read the print out and entered the information in the arrest record. "Disappointing to say the least," the Sergeant replied. "Chateau Duvalier... 1962... rather thin... not aged well at all."


Ransom
A Yuppie received a ransom note stating that if he ever hoped to see his wife alive again, he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 the next morning.
The next day, he didn't arrive until almost 12:30. Jumping out from behind some bushes, a masked man yelled at him, "What took you so long? You're over two hours late."
"Give me a break, would you!" whined the Yuppie. "I do have a 27 handicap!"


Shocking News

One day the maid announced to the yuppette that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."
The yuppette was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was. The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
This time, the yuppette was horrified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and you husband say, 'You are in the way.' I go to the living room to clean and you son say, 'You are in my way.' So I'm in the family way, and I quit."


Short Circuit

Then there was the Yuppette who took her Beamer into the shop. The mechanic told her she had a short circuit.
She replied, "I don't care what it costs. Lengthen it !"


The Yuppies

The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he proposed, "Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money to provide you with anything your little heart desires.""Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet. And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I might see my way clear to rent you some."