Your 5 Jokes for July 18, 2012: Weapon Jokes

Anyway

Musharraf joined Pakistani army and was given a gun.

Musharraf asked his Officer: Sir, to what side should I point its nozzle, towards myself or to the opposite side.

Officer: Stupid, keep it anyway, in both the cases it will benefit the nation.


Buying a Rifle

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"


The Calculator

A highway police patrol pull a car over, and because the coppers could not find anything wrong with the car, and since no rules were broken but yet needed to justify the pull-over one of them asks the driver:

- “So what do you have in your trunk?"

- “Nothing, sir! Just a calculator!" – replies the driver.

- “Open the trunk. We want to have a look!" replies the cop. So the driver opens the trunk, and the coppers find an AK-47 rifle in there. - “What’s this?" – the coppers ask, alarmed from what they saw.

- “It’s my calculator!" – replies the driver innocently.

- “Are you taking the piss out of us? That’s an AK-47 in your trunk!" – says one of the coppers.

- “Well sir, that’s what we ‘settle accounts with’ in my neighborhood!" – says the driver finally.


The Technician

A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"


What Are You Afraid Of?

A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"

“Yes, I am."

“Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."

“Okay," the cop says. “Anything else?"

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it."

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"

“Nope."

“Well then, what are you afraid of...?"

“Not a damn thing..."