Back In Line
At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow moving line. He finally decided to march right up to the counter pulling his wheeled suitcase and demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are doing our best to process the passengers as fast as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in line". Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I am?!!!" The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the public address system microphone and said calmly, "There is a man at the Delta ticket counter who does not know who he is. Anyone who may be able to identify this man is asked to please step forward and identify him. Thank you".
Heinrich from Germany had just completed a training course titled, ‘Improve your English’ and was taking an oral exam. The examiner asked him to spell "cultivate."
Heinreich spelled it correctly.
Then the examiner asked Heinreich to use the word ‘cultivate’ in a sentence.
Heinreich thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last vinter, on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for de bus but it vas too cultivate so I took an underground train home."
Judi was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.
"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the guy down?"
"I'm waiting," Jon said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Judi.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller fellow."
My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool.
Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."
An elderly couple walks into the office of a divorce lawyer.
“We want a divorce." they tell him.
Taken aback the lawyer asks them how old they are. “I’m 87 and he’s 92.", the wife replies.
“How long have you been married?" asks the lawyer. “65 years!" is the reply.
“So why now do you want a divorce?", asks the lawyer.
“We wanted to wait until all the kids were dead."