Your 5 Jokes for December 02, 2012: Usher Jokes

Bride’s Friend

Sally stopped by an usher at the entrance to the church.

The usher asked, “Are you a friend of the bride?"

Sally quickly relied, “No, of course not. I am the groom’s mother."


Friends

A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter, just as services are starting, they show up.

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church, and there wasn't a pew available; several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."

The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?"

"Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister.

The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face. Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three Chairs... For The Baptists," he enunciated.

The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.

"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshippers. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"


Men Who Died In The Service

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?" The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service". Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"


Mystery

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."


Two Seats Together

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?" The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

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