A Diving Accident
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."
"Tell me! Did you find her?" the man cried.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worse, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh no!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued. "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound King crabs and a half-dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her."
Stunned, Mr.Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
Have You Been Drinking?
A woman is driving happily along in her cherry red Audi with her fiancee when she’s pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper approaches her and asks:
“Have you been drinking Madam?"
“Why?" asks the woman, “Was I driving badly?"
“No" replies the trooper, “You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bloke in the passenger seat that made me suspicious".
Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario. As they were writing up the ticket, one officer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?"
The other one replied: "I don't know."
So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed."
The second officer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"
Pulled Over Like This
A GP was speeding to a house call, so was not surprised when a state trooper pulled her over. Hoping to get off with a warning, she appeared shocked when he walked up to the car and planned to tell him the circumstances of her speeding.
"I have never been stopped like this before in over 30 years of driving," she said to the officer.
"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"
Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."