Behind An 18-Wheeler
A man’s driving down the road behind an 18-wheeler. At every red light, the truck-driver gets out of his cab, runs back and bangs on the truck door. After seeing this at several sets of lights in a row, the car driver follows him until he pulls into a parking lot. When they’ve both come to a stop the truck driver once again jumps out, runs to the back and starts banging on the truck door.
The motorist goes up to him and says, "I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"
To which the truck-driver replies, "Sorry mate, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times."
Keep Your Belts Fastened
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.
Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.
"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.
"In back, there are 25 soldiers just back from the war. What would you do?"
The airline business has always had a rich sense of humor, and one purportedly true story doing the rounds at the moment upholds the tradition. It concerns a stormy flight aboard a Boeing aircraft; an off-duty airline stewardess is sitting next to a man in the grip of serious white-knuckle fever as he watches, through his porthole, the aircraft's wing bending and bouncing in the tempest.
The stewardess tries to reassure him; she works in the industry and flies all the time, she tells him. There is nothing to worry about; "the pilots have everything under control."
"Madam," he replies, "I am a Boeing engineer and we did not design this aircraft to do what it is doing."
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... The 45th bus just went by!"
This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If he missed a ferry late at night, he would have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.
So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.
He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"
"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."
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