A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same land- lord I have."
Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."
A group of tourists were waiting outside Westminster Abbey with their guide.
"You'll have to wait a bit longer," said the guide. "Smoking is not allowed in the Abbey."
"But none of our party is smoking," said one of the tourists.
"No," said the guide, "but I'm smoking."
The 50th Floor
Two tourists were staying in the fiftieth floor of a New York hotel. They came back one day and were told at the reception that the elevator was out of order and they had to climb the stairs. They decided to tell funny stories to make the climbing easier. At the forty nineth floor they were so tired and they had run out of funny stories. One man said " Lets try telling stories that are not funny" and the other said " I know one story that is not funny at all - we forgot our room key at the reception".
The Village Idiot
An English tourist is on holiday in a Cornish village when he spots what is obviously the village idiot sitting next to the horse trough. In his hand is an old stick, and tied to the end is a piece of string which is dangling in the water. The tourist decides to humour the fellow and asks: "Have you caught anything yet?" The village idiot looks up and studies the stranger, before saying: "Aye, you be the seventh today."