5 Tax Jokes

The Taxman

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people like weightlifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"

"No," replied the man. "I work for the Income Tax Dept."

Doing Very Well

An accountant, a solicitor and an actuary were dining together at a fashionable restaurant.

"With income tax being so complicated, we accountants are all doing quite well these days," the accountant commented. To prove it, he pulled out a $5 note, applied a match to it and used it to light his cigar.

"With so many people engaging in tax avoidance, we lawyers are also doing very well these days," the solicitor mused. To prove his point, he got out a $100 note, applied a match to it and used it to light his cigar.

"With all the new requirements for certificates in the superannuation area, we actuaries are doing even better," the actuary said. To prove it, he wrote out a cheque for $1 million, applied a match to it and used it to light his cigar.

Feeling Guilty

One year my uncle decided to cheat on his income taxes. The problem was that he later started to feel so guilty that he couldn’t sleep. After thinking about if for a while, he sent an anonymous cashier’s check for $100 to the IRS along with a note that read: “To Whom It May Concern, I cheated on my taxes and now I feel so guilty that I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks, so I’m sending you this check for one hundred dollars. I hope you forgive me.

P.S. If I still can’t sleep after one week, I’ll send you the rest of what I owe."

Investing into a Circus

A financial planner suggested to a wealthy client that he should invest in a circus.

The client expressed great surprise at such an unusual recommendation: "A circus? Why on earth should I buy into a circus?"

The financial planner replied: "Because of the elephants."

The client, puzzled even more, then asked: "The elephants? What is the connection between circus elephants and investments?"

The financial planner asked: "Well, do you know much it costs to feed an elephant?"

The client, slightly annoyed, responded: "No, of course I do not know much it costs to feed an elephant."

The financial planner explained: "Well, neither does the Taxation Commissioner."

The Taxpayer

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from "USA Today" archives. In the article, you will note that the Pentagon paid $171.50 each for hammers and NASA paid \$600.00 each for toilet seats. Please find enclosed in this package four toilet seats (value $2,400.00) and six hammers (value $1,029.00). This is in payment for my total tax due of $3,429.00. Out of a sense of patriotic duty, and to assist in the political purification of our government, I am also enclosing a 15 inch Phillips head screwdriver, for which HUD duly recorded and approved a purchase value of $2200, as my contribution to fulfill the Presidential Election Fund option on Form 1040. It has been a pleasure to pay my taxes this year and I look forward to paying them again next year in accordance with officially established government values.

Sincerely, Another satisfied American taxpayer.

Related Collections

Accountant jokes - Accounting jokes - Bank jokes - Business jokes - Calculation jokes - Check jokes - Customer jokes - Money jokes - Payment jokes - Price jokes - Trade jokes

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