Your 5 Jokes for August 01, 2012: Suicide Jokes

A Suicide Blonde

Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by? The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde." Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"


At Pizza Hut

Last night police were called to a branch of Pizza Hut after a body of a member of staff was found covered in mushrooms, onions ham and cheese. The police spokesman said that there was a strong possibility that the man had topped himself.


Coincidences

Bill was walking across a bridge one day, and saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. He immediately ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!"

“Why shouldn’t I?" said the man.

Bill said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!"

“Like what?"

“Well … are you religious or atheist?"

“Religious."

“Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

“Christian."

“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

“Protestant."

“Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

“Baptist."

“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

“Baptist Church of God."

“Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

“Reformed Baptist Church of God."

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

“Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

To which Bill said, “Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.


Jumping Off The Bridge

In New York City, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Irish cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump." The copy goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump." Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of the Blessed Virgin" Man replies "Who is that?" Cop yells "Jump, Protestant! You're blocking traffic!"


The Blonde’s Suicide

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
"What are you doing." they ask her.

So she replies "Hanging myself."

The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck."

The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breathe."