Your 5 Jokes for January 29, 2013: Subway Jokes

Dogs

A man from the countryside went to London and found himself in the Underground late one night.

Seeing a notice "DOGS MUST BE CARRIED on THE ESCALATOR", he moaned to himself...

"And where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?"


Ring The Bell

As the subway train emerged from the tunnel, the conductor saw there were only 7 people aboard. "Ring the bell for all above- ground stops," he announced over the speaker, knowing he wouldn't need to stop at all 18 above ground stops.

Little Johnny rang the bell before the first stop.

The doors opened.

Nobody got out.

The doors closed and the train went on its way.
Just before the second stop, Little Johnny rang the bell again.

Again the doors opened.

Again nobody got out.

Again the doors closed and the train went on its way.

This process was repeated for fifteen more stops, with Little Johnny ringing the bell every time, the doors opening but nobody getting off the train.

When the train arrived at the last stop and the doors opened, all seven people got off.

The conductor yelled over to Little Johnny. "Hey! How come you kept ringing the bell when you didn't need to get off the train?"

"I did just what you told me to do," Little Johnny replied. "You said, 'Ring the bell for all above ground stops!'"


Telling Jokes

One day, Benny the psychiatrist was coming home from work on the underground when he saw an elderly gentleman talking to himself and then laughing aloud. Every so often, the man would put up his hand, stop talking then start all over again. Benny had to find out more.

“Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but is there anything I can do to help?"

“Thank you but no. To keep me awake, I tell myself jokes when I’m travelling."

“But why do you keep raising your hand?" asked Benny.

“Oh, that’s to stop me telling a joke I’ve heard before."


The Boy And The Lady

A boy walks onto a crowded subway and takes a seat in front of a heavy woman.

The woman says "If you were a gentleman, you would stand up and let someone else sit down".

The boy replies "and if you were a lady, you would stand up and let four people sit down".


Visiting New York
Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside. One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance. When the first guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where ya been?" he slurred.
"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"