Your 5 Jokes for March 08, 2014: Submarine Jokes

North-East

German fisherman was at the sea with a small boat. After some time American submarine surfaced near him. The captain asked the fisherman: "Have You seen any Russian submarines lately?"

"Yes, I have, they went to north-east", the fisherman replied.

"Thanks very much", and off they went, to north-east... After some time, Russian submarine surfaced, and their commander asked the same fisherman, "Have You seen any American submarines lately?"

Fisherman's answer was the same: "Yes, and they went to north-east."

"What?", asked Russian submarines commander.

"I said, they went to north-east!"

"What a hell means north-east, You'd better show us the direction with your hand, if You don't want us to sink you!"


Passing On The Message

QMOW: "Navigator we're on a course for sea mounts."

NAV: "Exec we're heading for shallow water."

EXEC: " Captain, we're running out of water."

CAPT: "What, no water, ...very well, secure the showers."


So Simple

A new ensign assigned to submarines was eager to impress his commanding officer with all the knowledge he had picked up at submarine school.

After listening patiently for five minutes, the senior officer said:

"Listen, it's simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."


The Giant Octopus

Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grand-father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea."

The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband in-terrupted Mark, "What made the submarine sink, was it the octopus?"

With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "No, Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!"


Under The Sea For A Long Time

On the Atlantic to meet an American and a Russian submarine.

Promptly begins the commander of the Russian boat to boast:

"We have the best submarines in the world, we was three months under water and, through submerged beneath the North Pole!"

Then the American commander must prove themselves and answers:

"Ha! We were six months without interruption under water and are once around the world!"
The two begin to discuss, as it suddenly starts to bubble next to them.

An old old submarine emerges, the hatch opens and the commander enters the tower.

"Moin, Moin is the war over?" He asks. The other two laugh: "Long!"

The commander calls through the hatch down, "Men, you can remove the image from Kaiser Wilhelm!"