A Few Extra Miles
There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car. They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.
The first bee said, " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
it worked, for a couple of miles that is until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same.Then finally the car broke down.
The squirrel said " I'll pee in the tank"
The man replied, sorry mate, this car only runs on BP.
Penknife And Squirrel
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
“Now listen here," the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
“In that case," said the boy, “I’ll give it a piece of chocolate and let it go"
There's a man trying to cross the street.
As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.
The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and stops next to the man.
The driver rolls down the window. It's a squirrel.
It says, "Not as easy as it looks is it."
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It’s my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That’s not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn’t quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I’ll take the meat."
The World’s Laziest Man
The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a wrestler and a squirrel.
"They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.
"I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse."
"But the squirrel?" asked the genie.
"I need something to go' click-click' to start the horse!!!"