Your 5 Jokes for January 20, 2014: Spitting Jokes

Left A Note

One evening, Frank was drinking at a café when the café keeper came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call. Frank had just bought another drink and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his drink that read: "I spit in my drink."When Fred returned to his stool, there was another note beside his drink: "I spit in your drink, too!"

Red Button

One day, a man wanted to spit out. He asked a pedestrian where to spit as he was nature-conscious. The pedestrian told him that his job was very simple. He had just to go straight till he saw a red button, press it and a container would come out. Then he can have his job done. The man followed and saw a red button in a fat lady's earring. He pressed it with all his might. The lady, in the process of shouting, opened her unusually big mouth. He silently spit inside her mouth and walked away.

Spitting At The Dentist’s

One day after the dentist had cleaned my teeth he told me to rinse, so I picked up the cup poured in the water and then he had me spit into a miniature toilet bowl, as I am doing this the dentist walks out. After I spit I can't sit back because I now have a line going from my bottom lip to the bowl, and I can't get it off.

At this exact moment the dentist walks back in, looks at my lip, the bowl and says "Oh look A RAINBOW!"


Two psychiatrists with offices in the same building rode the elevator together every morning. Each day, the elevator operator would watch in amazement as one of the psychiatrists spit in the other's face, while the victim did nothing in return.

Finally the operator stopped the second man after the other had exited and said, "Excuse me, sir, but for three years now I've been watching as that other man spits in your face every day. I just have to ask why you don't ever do anything about it."

"Well," said the shrink, "it's HIS problem."

The Ear

I sat in on a criminal prosecution in which the defendant was accused of biting off a man's ear in a barroom brawl. The defendant's attorney, trying to raise at least a scintilla of doubt in the jury's mind, asked the prosecutor's star witness: "Did you actually see the defendant bite off Mr. Blackwell's ear?" After thinking for a long minute, the witness finally said, "No."

But that's when, instead of resting his case, the over-confident defense attorney asked one more question: "Well," he said in a long, drawn-out mocking way, "if you never saw the defendant bite off Mr. Blackwell's ear, what did you see?"

"I saw him spit it out," the witness replied.


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