Your 5 Jokes for June 04, 2014: Speed Limit Jokes

Brakes The police officer: You were exceeding the speed limit, maam, werent you? The driver: Yes, I was, sir, but you see my brakes are so bad that I wanted to get home before I had an accident.


Pulled Over A man traveling over 125 miles per hour on the interstate was stopped by a highway patrol. Sorry, officer, said the driver, was I driving too fast? No, sir. You were flying too low.


Race Aman was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he? d outpace the cop, the man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car? s speed rose to sixty, then seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket. The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said:? Listen, Mister, I have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I? ll let you go.? The man thought for a moment and said:? Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were that officer and were trying to give her back to me? No ticket.


Radar Trap A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders along a well traveled stretch of highway. The location, at a bend in the road, allowed him to hide his car out of sight of oncoming traffic while setting up his radar to nab any speeders who passed by. He had used this location successfully a number of times, especially on holidays, and decided to use it again one Labor Day weekend. The officer arrived at his hiding place and set himself up, settling down to wait for the first speeders to appear. After a half hour or so the officer hadn't seen anybody speeding. In fact most of the cars that passed him were travelling exactly at the speed limit, and some of the passengers in the passing cars were even smiling and waving at him. He couldn't believe this was happening since his hiding place was so well concealed. Finally, after realizing that virtually all the passing cars knew he was there, the officer decided that something was wrong and went investigate. He got out of his car and walked up the road a short distance. About 100 yards before his hiding place the officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". A little more investigative work led the officer to the boys accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet full of change.


The Math Teacher Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained. The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 m.p.h over the limit. At $12 for every m.p.h over the limit, plus $40 costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost? I replied, "Taking the total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero." He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he addmitted. "Please slow down."

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