Your 5 Jokes for December 02, 2013: Snot Jokes

Boogers

Q: What is the difference between a plate and a booger?
A: The plate is on the table, but the booger is under the table.
Q: What is the difference between a prince and a booger?
A: The prince is the heir to the throne, but the booger is thrown to the air.


Eating Fingers

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong honey?"

She replied "Mommy, where's my boogie?"


Picking Your Nose

The kiddie pick...
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit!

Camouflaged kiddie pick...
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.

Fake nose scratch...
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.

Surprise pickings...
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurtling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.

Autopick...
The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking.

Pick your brains...
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.

Pick and save...
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.

Pick and roll...
No explanation needed.

Pick and flick...
Ditto.

Pick and stick...
You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.

Paydirt...
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.


Runny Nose

When your out with your honey,
And your nose is runny,
You may think it's funny,
But IT'S NOT!!! (IT SNOT)


Warm Place

One day a man went into a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl.

"What the hell's the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?" the man bellowed at the waitress.

"My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place," the waitress informed him.

"Oh yeah, " the man shouted, "then why don’t you take that finger and of yours and thrust it in your nose?"

"I'm sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out."