Your 5 Jokes for March 21, 2014: Shrink Jokes

Congratulation

A patient went to his shrink for a check, and the psychiatrist congratulates him with a progress in treatment.

The patient: Do you really call it a progress?

Shrine: Absolutely. Aren’t you happy?

The patient: Six months ago I was a Napoleon and now I am nobody.


Mistress

A woman comes to a shrink and asks:

- I have recently found out that my husband has a mistress. Should I tell that to him?

- No need to do that, - tells the shrink. - I bet he knows it.


Not Me

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head, fried eggs on each shoulder, and a strip of bread over each ear.

The shrink, humoring him, asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The guy answers, "Doc, I'm worried about my brother."


One Little Problem

At a shrink’s:

- Do you consume alcohol?

- No.

- Do you smoke?

- No.

- Do you use drugs?

- No.

- Do you play cards?

- No.

- Do you run after other women?

- No.

- So why did you come to me?

- You see, doc, I have one little problem - I lie a lot...


Sports Car

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"

"Relax", says the doctor, "You're just having an auto-body experience."