A patient went to his shrink for a check, and the psychiatrist congratulates him with a progress in treatment.
The patient: Do you really call it a progress?
Shrine: Absolutely. Aren’t you happy?
The patient: Six months ago I was a Napoleon and now I am nobody.
A woman comes to a shrink and asks:
- I have recently found out that my husband has a mistress. Should I tell that to him?
- No need to do that, - tells the shrink. - I bet he knows it.
A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head, fried eggs on each shoulder, and a strip of bread over each ear.
The shrink, humoring him, asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The guy answers, "Doc, I'm worried about my brother."
One Little Problem
At a shrink’s:
- Do you consume alcohol?
- Do you smoke?
- Do you use drugs?
- Do you play cards?
- Do you run after other women?
- So why did you come to me?
- You see, doc, I have one little problem - I lie a lot...
A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"
"Relax", says the doctor, "You're just having an auto-body experience."