Your 5 Jokes for September 17, 2012: Repair Jokes

Emergency Repair Kit

Al was helping his blonde girlfriend, Diana, clean out the trunk of her car. In the trunk, he found a bag labelled 'Emergency Repair Kit'. When he looked a little closer, he noticed that there was a stick of dynamite inside the bag.

Finding that a little strange, he asked Diana what it was for.

"It's part of my emergency repair kit," she replied.

"I can see that, but why?" Al asked.

"In case I get a flat and need to blow up one of my tires," Diana explained.


Gate’s New House Repairs

The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house...

Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."

Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"

Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."

Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."

Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."

Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a stacker."

Bill: "Stacker?"

Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture, you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done."

Bill: "Uh... I dunno... Issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."

Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."

Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."

Bill: "You're kidding?!"

Contractor: "Nope. It's the only way."

Bill: "Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."

Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures."

Bill: "And how do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work."

Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?"

Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it, nobody made you buy it."

Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"

Contractor: "Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually, it was due out this year, but we've had some delays..."


Photocopiers

When the office photocopiers began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service. The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning. The tech suggested that someone might try reading the operator's manual and perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the work. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asks, "Does your boss know you are discouraging business?" "Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers". "After people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more money on repairs"


Umbrellas

The man of the house finally took all his family's disabled umbrellas to the repair shop.

Two days later, on the way to his office, when he got up to leave the streetcar, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him.

The woman cried, "Stop, thief!" and rescued her umbrella, which covered the man with shame and confusion.

The same day, he stopped at the repair shop and received all eight of his umbrellas duly repaired.

As he entered a streetcar with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold the lady of his morning adventure glaring at him.

Her voice came to him charged with withering scorn, "Huh! Had a good day, didn't you!"


Unplug

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it." About fifteen minutes later, she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.

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