Your 5 Jokes for March 28, 2014: Quarter Jokes

A Million Dollars

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left?

A million dollars minus 75 cents.


Choice

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church.

"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.

When they were coming out of the church, the mother Asked her daughter which amount she had given.

"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give The dollar, but just before the collection the man In the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful Givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave The quarter, so I did."


Criticism

When the family returned from Sunday morning service father criticised the sermon, daughter thought the choir's singing was atrocious, and mother found fault with the organist's playing. The small boy of the family piped up, "But it was a good show for a quarter, don't you think, Dad?"


The Grateful Gambler

Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter.

Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him.

After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter."

"Yes, I remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the stall door open!"


The Pretzels

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.

Every day, a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.

Then one day, the man passed the pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual. A few seconds later, he heard footsteps behind him.

He turned. It was the pretzel woman, who spoke to him for the first time. “Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."