Your 5 Jokes for July 27, 2013: Private Jokes

Chocolate Pudding

First private: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?" Second private: “No way, Jose!" First private: “Whyever not?" Second private: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"


Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

Good And Bad News

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run."

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."

Ten Days

A commander and several of his officers were returning to the barracks after an evening of partying. As they entered the barracks, the commander threw up all over himself. Pointing to a private, he shouted, "Give that man five days in jail for vomiting!" The following morning the commander was checking the log and saw that the young private had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."

Too Late

The curfew in Belfast started at 10 pm and at 9.30 pm the British soldiers were leaving their barracks to enforce it.

A sergeant in charge of one of the patrols heard a shot ring out at 9.35 pm.

He soon discovered that Private Connolly had shot a man.

'It's only 9.35 pm,' roared the sergeant. 'Why did you shoot him?'

'I know that man,' said Private Connolly, 'I know where he lives. He would never have got home by 10 o'clock.'