Your 5 Jokes for April 10, 2014: Pride Jokes

Flags

I was walking down The Mall with a friend yesterday when he turned to me and said, "Seeing all those flags on display makes me so proud of my country."

"But Chan, you're Chinese", I replied, "All those flags are British".

"No they're not", he laughed, "Just take a look at the labels".


Good Pedigree

The lil' Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center.

"I want a dog of which I can be proud," she told the salesman.

"Does that one have a good pedigree?"

"Miss," declared the clerk, "if she could speak, she wouldn't talk to either one of us."


Military Pride

A brother of a student of mine showed me a photo their father had sent from a country where he’s been stationed for a peace-keeping mission. In it, his dad is sitting atop a tank. On the back of the tank is this bumper sticker: "My son is an honor student at Clear Creek Elementary School."


Proud Of Her Work

A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."


Proud Of You

As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.

One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked.

I figured her sister must also be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why.

Replied the woman, "She's a dentist."

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