A Very Long And Boring Sermon
After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons."Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God."
The pastor was thrilled. "Nobody has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why."
"Because it endured forever."
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
Notice Of My Visit
A bishop visited a church in his diocese. Only three people turned up to hear him peach.
He asked the Vicar "Did you give notice of my visit?".
"No" replied the vicar, "but word seems to have got round anyway".
A minister delivered a sermon in 30 minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning."After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher and said, "Reverend, if that dog of yours has any pups, I want to give one to my minister."
We Can’t Hear You
A local church had a big time TV evangelist come in for revival. On the Sunday morning at the start of the revival the visiting minister preached hell-fire and brimstone for two hours straight when the sound system gave out and went dead.
Concerned that people in the back of the packed sanctuary couldn't hear him the preacher asked, "Can everyone hear me OK without the microphone?" Someone on the back row raised his hand and said, "I can't hear you back here." A lady on the front row, who'd had about all of the sermon she wanted stood up, turned to the guy in the back and said, "I can hear him fine from up here. Wanna trade places?"