Your 5 Jokes for January 09, 2013: Plate Jokes

A Plate Of Healthy Food

When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems.

He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc."

So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt much better!

A Thousand Bucks In The Offering Plate

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor.
He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"

Collection Plate

A little girl and her father decided to go to church, because her father wanted to introduce her to the Christian World. As they sat down, a collection plate begins to be passed around. As the plate came to the girl's father, he searches his pockets for money. Then his daughter whispers in his ear, "Don't worry Daddy, I'm already free and covered... I'm under 5."


Aaron and his family are in the middle of their meal at Minky’s Restaurant when Aaron calls over the Manager. "I have a complaint to make," Aaron says. "I haven’t eaten here for quite some time, and I notice that the portions you’re now serving are a lot smaller than they used to be."

"That’s impossible sir," says the Manager. "You see, since you were last here, we’ve spent a lot of money enlarging the restaurant. So although the portion on your plate might appear to look smaller, it’s only an optical illusion."

Trying To Kid The Kid

A mom, Bri, and a son, Jorge, were eating dinner at the dinner table. Jorge pushes his plate away and says, "I'm done."

Bri glances at Jorge's plate and notices he still has a pile of peas on it, "No you don't. Not untill you eat all of your food."

"I don't like peas."

"They are not peas they are green M&M's but the trick is you can't taste the candy untill you swallow them."

Jorge gets excited and sticks a spoon full of peas in his mouth. Then he grabs his glass of milk and takes a drink.

Jorge says, "your right mom they do taste like M&M's. Why don't you try?"

"Who do you think you're kidding?," replies Bri and gives Jorge a sly look.

"Who do YOU think you're kidding?," Jorge says grabbing his glass of milk and pouring the peas out of it onto his plate.


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