Your 5 Jokes for November 28, 2013: Pill Jokes

Brain Stimulation

Feeling listless, I bought some expensive "brain-stimulating" pills at the health food store. But it wasn’t until I got home that I read the label.

"This is just rosemary extract," I complained to my husband. "I can’t believe I spent all that money for something that I have growing like wild in the yard!"

"See?" he said. "You’re smarter already."


Exhausted

An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep."

“I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

“Great," the man answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot."

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!"

“I don’t understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

“That may be true," answered the man wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!"


Losing Hearing

For over 30 years Bill had worked in construction in New York City. Those many years working around loud machinery had taken its toll on Bill's body and he began to fear that he was losing his hearing.

So Bill went to the doctor and told him the problem. He explained to the doctor that things had gotten so bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart.

The doctor examined Bill and then gave him some pills.

Bill asked, "Will these help me to hear better?"

The doctor replied, "No. They will make you fart louder."


Pills For Constipation

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of hiswarriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "BigChief, no sh*t". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chiefshould be fine tomorrow.The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morningthe warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no sh*t". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet againsaying "big chief, no sh*t". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives thewarrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):"Big sh*t, no chief".


Rabbit Turds

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like cr*p.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

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