A Party In The Wood
Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man’s face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.
‘’What do you want?’’ he asked.
‘’Do you have any tobacco?’’ asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.
‘’Go faster!’’ said the passenger. ‘’I don’t want to see him again!’’ So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.
‘’Do you have a light?’’ said the old man’s face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.
‘’Drive faster!’’ said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. ‘’What do you want from us?’’ screamed the passenger.
The old man gently replied ‘’You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?’’
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked.
He answered "B.J. Fishingolf."
I Want To Sing
There was a little girl whose mother was very strict. Her mother tried to make her daughter behave in a very decent manner, but the girl was still three and half years old. One day the family went to a party, and in the middle of the party the girl cried, "Mommy I want to go restroom." This drew a lot of attention and the mother felt embarrassed about her daughter. At home she advised that whenever she wants to go to restroom she should say, "I want to sing."
After a couple of days the girl's grandfather came to visit them. She liked her grandfather very much. At night, she slept with her grandfather, who put her to sleep with a story. After couple of hours, she woke up and said, "Grandpa I want to sing." The grandpa was afraid of causing a disturbance past midnight if the girl began singing, so he told her in a very low voice, "Baby if you want to sing, sing in my ears."
The Dog’s Dead
A businessman had arranged an important formal dinner party at his home and planned to serve his guests' favourite food, steak, as the main course.
While the guests were eating their appetizers, the cook came to the host and whispered, "Please come urgently to the kitchen."
The host went to the kitchen where the cook explained that while he had stepped out for a quick cigarette, the host's dog had climbed up on the table and eaten a few chunks out of some steaks. The host said, "Just fill the holes with some meat and turn the other sides up--nobody will notice."
The steaks were served and when they were nearly finished eating, the host was again summoned to the kitchen. The cook, looking quite upset, told the host that the dog had died.
The host frantically rushed back to the dinner party and apologized fervently before announcing, "Something was wrong with the steak and everyone must have their stomachs pumped immediately at the hospital."
The guests all headed there, endured the painful procedure, and returned to the house. The host then went and asked the cook, "Where is the dog?"
"Oh," said the chef, "The dog is still down by the road where the car hit it."
A Gorgeous Girl
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me!" That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s very rich. Marry him." That’s Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me." That’s Telemarketing.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That’s Customer Feedback.