An Irishman goes to his local post office with a parcel for his mother in Dublin.
"This parcel is too heavy" the post office clerk tells him, "you'll need to put some more stamps on it".
Says the Irishman in amazement, "And, if I put some more stamps on it, the parcel will get lighter?"
A woman was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the customs agent asked her some standard security questions.
“Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?" he asked. The woman told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. The customs agent looked at the woman in a very carefully and asked, “Does she like you?"
There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?"
"Parcel post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature."
"Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up.
"Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced.
"Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door.
A woman came storming at the Postal counter. She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, “This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?"
The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside brought the parcel and delivered it to the lady. Then just casually he asked, “Ma’am what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?"
The lady replied, “My husband’s first new hearing aids."
Would You Come And Sign, please?
The new postman is delivering a registered parcel and needs a signature so he rings the doorbell. Sadie sticks her head out of the bedroom window and says, "Nu, what is it?"
"I have a registered parcel for Mrs Levy," he replies.
"Is it wrapped in fancy gift paper or just plain brown paper?" Sadie asks.
"Ordinary brown paper, madam," he replies.
"So who is it from?" Sadie asks.
"It’s from John Lewis department store, madam," he replies.
"Does it say from which branch?" Sadie asks.
"Yes, madam," he replies, "it’s from Oxford Street."
"Does it say what’s in it?" Sadie asks.
"It says it’s from their Writing Instruments department," he replies. "Will you now come down and sign for it, please."
"Sorry," replies Sadie, "I can’t do that."
"Why not?" he asks.
"Because," Sadie replies, "I’m Sadie Cohen. Mrs Levy lives next door."