Your 5 Jokes for January 13, 2014: Paramedic Jokes

Boasting

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval.

"Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!".


Legless

I was called to a MVA which included a man who had been enjected from the vehical and thrown into a razor wire fence – this actually cut him in half around his waist. The patient was obviously deceased by the time we got there, and while looking through the car at the accident scene, we found dozens of bottles of empty beer in the car… I made the comment, “Hmm, guess this is what happens when you drive legless…"


Paramedic And Citrus Fruit

Matthew: What do you get when you cross a paramedic and a citrus fruit?

Mark: I haven’t the foggiest.

Matthew: Lemon-aid!


Smarter

Three nurses are walking along the beach when they find an old lamp. One of the nurses rubs the lamp and out pops a genie!

"For freeing me, I'll give each of you one wish," announces the genie.

The first nurse says, "I want to be twice as smart as I am now, that way I'll be a better nurse."

The genie puts his hand to his temple and concentrates, then smiles and says, "It is done."

The second nurse declares, "Well, I want to be ten times as smart!"

Again, the genie concentrates and then says, "It is done."

The third nurse, not to be outdone, asks, "Can you make me one hundred times smarter than I am now?"

The genie puts his hand to his temple, then pauses and asks the third nurse, "Are you sure you want to be a paramedic?"


The Biker vs. The Truck

A friend of mine once went to a motor-bike versus truck at 100k+ and… needless to say, the truck came out better off than the motocyclist. As one of the Paramedic started assessing the scene and in doing so locating the various body parts of the deceased motor-cyclist, the Police Officer on the scene asked “How tall do you think this guy is…" The Paramedic looks around… looks at the legs in the bushes and then the head down the street "hmmm… he looks to be about 45 foot tall currently…"