Your 5 Jokes for April 15, 2012: Painting Jokes

Caught

A thief was taking red paint and he was running fast. "Can't spill the paint. " He said as he ran. But he tripped over a rock.

"ARGGG!!! NOOOO!!! I SPILLED THE PAINT ON MY HANDS!" And the law got him.

"Talk about getting caught red handed!," The police man joked.


Painting Less

A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day.

He replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting father away from the paint can".


The Blue And Red Paint

This man went to the pet shop to buy a red parrot. The pet shop man said, 'I'm sorry, we've only got a blue one, but if you like I'll give you a pot of red paint and you can take him home and paint him.'

The man said, 'Great,' and off he went with the parrot and the pot of red paint.

The next day he came back. He said, 'Hey, that parrot's dead.

The pet shop man said, 'I don't believe it. There's no way pot of red paint would kill a parrot.'

The man said, 'No, it wasn't the red paint that killed him. It was trying to get the blue paint off with a blowlamp!'


The Directions

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said to achieve best results, put on two coats.


The Yellow-Faced Horse

A cowboy rides into town, hitches up his horse and walks into a saloon. He goes up, gets a drink, drinks it, and walks out. Half a second passes and he bursts back into the saloon and says "ALRIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU PAINTED MY HORSE'S FACE YELLOW?". A huge man-mountain stands up, looks down at the cowboy and says "I DID". The cowboy looks up at him and whispers "The first coat's dry".