When Abe returned home from work, his wife Ruth said, “So how was your day?"
He replied, “I met an artist and I’ve never met someone so talented. He said he painted a picture of a cobweb on his wall and it looked so real, the maid tried for over an hour to get it off.
Ruth said, “I don’t believe him."
“Why not?" said Abe, “some artists are very good indeed."
“Maybe," said Ruth, “But maids aren’t."
The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house.
"You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check.
"Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.
Thinking the painter had forgotten something the man asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"
"Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
Issy is a very wealthy man and for his mother’s birthday he goes to a Sotheby’s sale and buys her a very expensive painting. When he gets back home, he can’t wait to phone to tell her what he’s bought for her. "Hi, mum, it’s me, Issy, your number one son."
"Oh (pause) is everything all right, sweetheart?" she asks.
"Yes, mum," replies Issy, "everything is fine. I’m ringing to tell you that for your birthday, I’ve just bought you a Rubens."
"Rubin?" she says, "Do you mean Rubin the accountant?"
"No, mum, Rubens is a great painter," explains Issy, laughing.
"Oh, this I didn't know," she says. "Listen, sweetheart, ask him how much he'll charge to paint my kitchen."
Paying The Rent
A painter had lived in his loft for six months, and by now it was filled with the paintings he had created.
He worked day and night, stopping only occasionally for something to eat. He thought little about food and less about sleep. But what he thought about least of all was his rent.
As a result, his landlord now stood before him, demanding the three months' rent the painter owed on the loft.
"Give me a couple of weeks," teh painter pleaded. "I know I'm on the verge of making some sales."
"Absolutely not," the landlord said. "You gave me that story last month. You won't get another day's credit from me."
"Look," the painter said, "think of it as an investment. Someday this loft will be famous, and you'll be able to charge a fortune for it.
In a few years, people will come into this disgusting loft and whisper, 'That great painter used to paint here.'"
"Pay your rent now," the landlord said, "or they'll be able to say it tomorrow morning."
Twenty Dollars An Hour
Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house. "How much you gonna charge me?" asked Guidry. "Twenty dollars an hour," replied Plotke. "Good Lord!" exclaimed the home owner. "I wouldn't pay Michelangelo that price!" "I tell you one thing, mister," said the painter. "If that guy you mentioned is doin' the job for less, he ain't no member of our union!"