Mark was known to all his friends as a hypochondriac. One day he awoke with a pain on his left side and was convinced that his pain was appendicitis. But his wife Sadie told him that appendices were on the right side of the body.
"Aha," said Mark, "so that's why it's hurting me so much. My appendix is obviously on the wrong side."
Removing The Contact Lenses Off
A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
Benny meets his grandfather in the street one morning. "Hi grandfather. How are you feeling today?"
"Oh, Benny, I've got so many aches and pains that if I get a new one, it will have to wait at least a week before I can think of even worrying about it."
The theatrical manager exclaimed: "Your last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown. You enacted so well that officer wounded on the battlefield. Your suffering looked very much like real." "It was. I've got a large nail in my shoe." "Well," said the manager, "for heaven's sake, leave it in until the end of the run of the play."
Laura and Nancy were chatting at the coffee-shop.
Laura: "I had a toothache, so I went to the dentist this morning."
Nancy: "Does your tooth still hurt?"
Laura: "I have no idea - the dentist kept it."