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Your 5 Jokes for April 5, 2014: Niece Jokes

Discarding Clothes

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"


Practice

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone.
"Hello," she whispered.
"Hi, Honey. How's your mother doing?" I asked.
"She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.
"Did she go to the doctor?" I asked.
"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.
"Well, don't wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."


Rubbing The Kiss

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. "Are you wiping off my kiss?", I asked her. "No", she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!"


The Bargain

Fred was well known for his cheapness and his' eye for a bargain'. One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop.

As he was walking around, he noticed what was previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in the corner. It was in 3 pieces. After some haggling with the owner, Fred bought the broken vase for $5. He then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his niece's name and address and gave the owner another $5 so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and mailed. Fred then left the shop feeling quite pleased with himself. He expected his niece to think the vase had broken in the mail.

A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present had arrived.

"Yes, Uncle Fred, but unfortunately, it was in 3 pieces when it was delivered."

"What terrible luck." said Fred, "The Post Office is getting worse all the time."

"It's a shame," she replied. "It was so beautifully wrapped. Each piece separately."


Things That Mean So Much

Last Thanksgiving, my niece came home with her school project: a beautiful autumnal leaf with the words "I am thankful for my mommy" printed on it.
Her eyes tearing, my sister said, "This means so much to me."
Her daughter nodded. "I wanted to put ‘Hannah Montana,’ but my teacher wouldn’t let me."