Your 5 Jokes for May 24, 2014: Needle Jokes

Acupuncture A friend "...So I went to see this acupuncturist." Mrs. Capp "Really? What for?" The friend "To help with my craving for cakes." Mrs. Capp "Did it work?" The friend "Absolutely -- she stuck needles in the cakes so I couldn't eat them."

At The Door Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help gettin’ in the door.

Needle In A Haystack How to find a needle in a haystack... Cause that's been such a huge problem over the years for all these sewing farmers who like to do their needlework in a barn!

The Music My husband, Stan, decided to give up smoking but needed help to overcome the habit. He consulted an acupuncture specialist, who inserted small needles at specific points in both his ears. "When you feel like smoking," he told Stan, "put your fingers into your ears, and press hard on the needles." One day shortly after, while Stan was in the elevator in his office building, he had a strong urge for a cigarette. Since only the piped-in music accompanied him in the elevator, he put his fingers into both ears, closed his eyes and concentrated on pressing on the needles. Suddenly, the elevator doors opened and there stood a dozen people waiting to get on. Feeling rather foolish, Stan sheepishly removed his fingers from his ears in time to hear one of them mutter. "I don't think the music is that bad."

Writing This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of one of Dublin's most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan. "That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written." To which Behan replied: "Aye, and it's straight from me heart, too."