Kit Carson Museum
My favorite museum when I was growing up, the one that influenced me the most, was the Kit Carson Museum.
It was really impressive because right away when you walked in what you saw was this case with two human skulls in it, dramatically presented.
One skull was larger and had a label stating "The Skull of Kit Carson." That was really something.
Then, to the side, there was this smaller skull with a label that said "The Skull of Kit Carson as a Boy"...
Marylanders At A Museum
Two Marylanders, who were visiting the National Museum at Washington, were seen standing in front of an Egyptian mummy, over which hung a placard bearing the inscription. "B.C. 1187."
Both visitors were much mystified thereby. Said one:
"What do you make of that, Bill?"
"Well," said Bill, "I dunno; but maybe it was the number of the motor-car that killed him."
Natural History Museum
It had been anything but an easy afternoon for the teacher who took six of her pupils through the Museum of Natural History, but their enthusiastic interest in the stuffed animals and their open-eyed wonder at the prehistoric fossils amply repaid her.
"Well, boys, where have you been all afternoon?" asked the father of two of the party that evening.
The answer came back with joyous promptness: "Oh, pop! Teacher took us to a dead circus."
The Genie In The Museum
Benny Smith worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He used to tell his friends that he was the curator, although his primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished.
One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous Genie appeared before him.
"Master," the Genie began, "I am the Genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you -- you must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."
Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49% of the total Microsoft stock which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife and lo and behold she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.
Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating - while the memory of the Genie's warning faded. Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.
The moral of the story?
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."