Your 5 Jokes for September 21, 2012: Mouth Jokes

Dung Around The Lips

Two farmers walking through a field; one stoops down and dips his finger in some cow dung and rubs it across his lips.

The second farmer asks him why he did such a disgusting thing.

The first one replies, ‘I have chapped lips!’.

The second one asks him, ‘does it make them better?’

He replies, 'No! But it stops you from licking them!’

Extracting Teeth From The Nose

A Western newspaper reported that dentists in the Soviet Union extract teeth through the patient's nose.

The paper was flooded with letters from readers asking how they had found this out.

The newspaper replied: 'Dentists are forced to extract their patients' teeth through the nose, because in the Soviet Union nobody dare open his mouth.'


This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!

I bet you were mad.

Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!

Hollandaise Sauce

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.""Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Mouse In The Mouth

"Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?""Quite simple," said the doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite, haul it out.""Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head.""What do you want a cod's head for?""Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!"