If You Were a Millionaire
The teacher said; “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’"
Everyone but Joe, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly.
“What’s the matter," the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?"
“I’m waiting for my secretary," Joe replied.
An New Russian meets an old Russian. The old Russian asks:
- How are you these days, Vasya?
- Well, life sucks, - the NR replies, - I'm so tired of the Bahamas, and of those French restaurants, and those half-a-million-dollar parties ... Really wears me up... Wha'bout you, old buddy?
- Imagine, I haven't been eating anything for three days already, - the old Russian says in a weak voice.
- Well, man, - says the New Russian, - I've had this sort of problem. You have to force yourself!
Making a Man a Millionaire
"And what was he before you married him?" her friend asked.
"A billionaire" she replied.
The New Russian’s Son
A New Russian's son approaches a gorgeous lady in a lobby of five-star Metropol hotel.
- Mind a stroll? - he volunteers.
- Well, I bet your car ain't a Volvo, - she replies.
- Nope, it is not, - he confides.
- And you do not own even an average size bank, - she continues.
- Nope, - he admits again.
- And you don't have a three-storey house in Old Arbat, - she concludes. He agrees again.
- Then get lost, miser! The lady leaves, and the chap stands in distressed puzzlement.
- I can trade my Saab 900 for a Volvo, - he muses to himself, - and I can split my financial trust into a chain of average-size banks, but I obviously can't talk my father into demolishing the top three floors of our Old Arbat residence...
The Sad Man
A miserable-looking man was sitting in a café one night.
"Why are you looking so sad?" asked the café keeper.
"My wife's made me a millionaire." said the man.
"If my wife made me a millionaire, I'd be the happiest man on earth", said the café keeper.
"Yes, but before I met her I was a billionaire."