5 Magician Jokes

Magical Sledgehammer

A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from the audience. A man volunteered and went up on stage. The magician told him to pick up the 16 pound sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement block and break the block apart with the sledgehammer so the audience would know the sledgehammer was real.

So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might and shattered the cement block. The magician now told the man to hit him square in the face with the sledgehammer.

Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".

The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face, saying, "I'll be fine. I promise you. Go ahead."

"Well,", the man replied, "Ok, here goes."

Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the magician's face. The result was very bloody. The magician's nose was crushed, teeth fell out and blood everywhere. After 6 months in a coma in the hospital, the magician was lying in the hospital bed. One eye opened, the fingers flexed a bit, the other eye opened, and the magician sat straight up and said, "Ta-da!"


Just Tell My Wife

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?"

"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."

After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"...


His Best Trick

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, "And what does your father do?"

"Oh, he's a magician," replied Johnny.

"Really? And what's his best trick?"

"His best trick is sawing people in half."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?"

"Yes ma'am, I have a half-brother and two half-sisters."


Just Buy a Hare

A magician walks into a magic shop.

He glances around at all the musty old familiar curiosities of a bygone era: a large chromed foo can; an canvas straitjacket with suspiciously long sleeves; a gaudy silk cabinet with fake oriental characters on it. A kid behind a counter is badgering a customer to "Pick a card -- any card!". Then the magician notices a small plastic figurine of a rabbit in a top hat. It has no price tag, but it is so cute that he decides he must have it.

He asks the kid behind the counter, "How much for that stature of a rabbit in the hat?"

The kid replies, "It's not a statue, it's a trick! Twenty dollars with an instructional DVD."

"I don't need the instructions. To me it's just an ornament. It'll look good in my magic den. I'll give you fifteen bucks for it -- and you can keep the instructions!" Since the hat and rabbit had been languishing on the shelf for months, the kid agrees to sell it without the DVD.

The magician walks out of the store with his prize under his arm, and walks merrily down the street. He begins to notice a few stray jackrabbits following him. Startled, he walks a bit faster. But a few blocks later he is stunned to see several dozen vicious-looking wild rabbits hopping behind him. He panics and runs madly off in all directions, only to see more and more crazed-looking rabbits, seemingly popping out of nowhere, and racing after him at top speed.

Now in full gallop, the magician runs frantically towards a bridge spanning a large river. He scrambles out onto the bridge with the rabbits right behind him in hot pursuit, now in the thousands. Figuring the ornament from the magic shop is jinxed, he tosses it into the river. He's suddenly astonished to see a 'million' crazed rabbits jump into the river after it! They all drown. It's a ghastly sight.

Thoroughly relieved, the magician staggers back to the magic shop, determined to get an explanation for this nightmare.

"Ah ha!" says the kid behind the counter, "You've come back for the instructions!"

"Hell no!" says the rumpled and haggard magician, gasping for breath and wiping sweat from his brow, "I came back to see if you have any clowns in a hat!"


Talking Frog

A magician was walking one day when he saw a frog. The frog said, "Hey mister, I'm really a princess. If you kiss me I will turn back into a princess and you will be a prince." The guy said, "Coooolllllll", put the frog in his pocket and walked on down the road.

A little while later he took the frog out and looked at it again. This time the frog said, "Really, I'm a princess. If you kiss me you will be a prince and you will be rich." The guy said, "Coooolllllll", put the frog in his pocket and walked on down the road.

A little while he took the frog out again. This time the frog said, "Hey mister, whats up? Why won't you kiss me?". The guy said, "Look, I'm a close-up magician. I'm not interested in being a prince, or being rich. But a talking frog, now that's coooolllllll."


Want more ? Check Magician Jokes - Part 2 !