Your 5 Jokes for November 13, 2012: Loan Jokes

Collateral

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book. "Don't know of collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "I don't know; it has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put it in my pocket." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked. "I don't know of deposit." "Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"


Loan For Marriage

An assistant working with a foreign concern applied for a loan to buy a scooter as he had to travel more than thirty kilometres per day and change three buses to reach office. Management took a sympathetic view and sanctioned the loan for purchase of scooter on the condition that if the assistant failed to pay the monthly instalments to clear the loan, the scooter purchased would be impounded by the company.

The assistant then applied for a loan to build a house. The management again sanctioned the amount required with the condition that it he failed to pay back the amount in monthly instalments, his property would be impounded by the company.

Now that the assistant had a scooter and a newly constructed house, he felt he could take a wife and applied for another loan for marriage expenses. It was granted with similar condition that it he failed to pay monthly instalments, the goods acquired by the loan would be impounded by the company.

The assistant acquired a wife. The marriage did not turn out as well as he had hoped for because his wife constantly nagged him for money. The assistant found an easy way out of his predicament. He stopped paying the monthly instalments of the marriage loan.


Returning The Loan

This one older lady, not quite up on the ins and outs of banks, was surprised to receive a notice demanding payment on her loan.

She called the loan officer & said, "I can't return your money. I'm not finished with it yet."


Solvency

Not all banks are as solvent as we imagine them to be. I went into mine the other day and told the loan officer I was interested in a loan.

He smiled and replied, "That's great Mr. Moore! How much can you let us have?"


Ten Dollars

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. ‘If you had ten dollars,’ said the teacher, ‘and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?’

‘Ten,’ said Little Johnny firmly.

‘Ten?’ the teacher said ‘How do you make it ten?’

‘Well,’ replied Little Johnny ‘You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get it!’