Your 5 Jokes for May 23, 2012: Lieutenant Jokes

Friends Or Enemies?

The Ecuadorian lieutenant had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike from neighboring Peru. “Pedro," he ordered his aide-de-camp, “I want you to climb that mountain and report any signs of Peruvian military activity."

“Si, Lieutenant," replied Pedro. He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes heading their way.

“There are many planes coming, Lieutenant," he promptly radioed back.

“Friends or enemies?" the Lieutenant demanded urgently.

Pedro again lifted his binoculars to the sky. “They’re flying very closely together, Lieutenant," he replied.

“I think they must be friends."

Normal Procedure

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.

Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"

“Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."


In this particular branch of the Army’s officer training school, the instructor was returning tests to the trainees. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security numbers. In the early hours of the morning, the instructor was calling out the numbers.

“Four-seven-seven-zero?" he asked.

“Here," replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though, he realized he had mistakenly taken the wrong paper.

“Seven-zero-seven-five?" asked the instructor.

“Here," repeated the student, gearing for trouble.

“I thought you were four-seven-seven-zero, Soldier," spoke the teacher.

“That’s right, Sir," answered the student, suddenly wide awake! “I have a nick-number."


As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation." Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive." I asked, "What's the diffrence??" He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."


A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said, “Kramer, your father died."

The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, “You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you."

The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis.

Private Taylor’s grandfather had passed away.

The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, “Men, how many of you have a mother still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"

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Air Force jokes - Army jokes - General jokes - Military jokes - Sergeant jokes - Soldier jokes - War jokes