Your 5 Jokes for March 06, 2012: Lies Jokes

A Boy Or A Girl?

A soldier requested a two-day leave, as he was to become a father in the near future.

When he returned to the base one week later, a sergeant asked:

Was it a boy or girl?

I don't know yet. I'll let you know in about 9 months.

Gone Down The Street

The widow was deep in suds over the family wash, when she saw her pastor coming up the path to the door. She gave directions to her young son to answer the bell, and to tell the clergyman that his mother had just gone down the street on an errand. Since the single ground floor room of the cottage offered no better hiding place against observation from the door, she crouched behind a clothes-horse hung with drying garments.

When the boy had opened the door to the minister, and had duly delivered the message concerning his mother's absence, the reverend gentleman cast a sharp look toward the screen of drying clothes, and addressed the boy thus:

"Well, my lad, just tell your mother I called. And you might say to her that the next time she goes down the street, she should take her feet along."

In The Emergency Room

I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."

Mark 17

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Seven Children

Luigi tries to rent an apartment, but as soon as owners find out that he has seven kids they say no. One time he tells his wife:

- Take four kids and go to the cemetery?

- Will that help?

- I hope so.

In the evening Luigi tells his wife that he managed to rent an apartment.

- Great. But how did you do it?

- I showed 3 kids and honestly informed the owner that actually I have seven kids but my belloved wife and four adorable kids are on the cemetery.

Related collections:

Confession jokes - Honesty jokes - Lawyer jokes - Liar jokes - Truth jokes - Unfaithfulness jokes