"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
Late For School
Three students were late for school. The teacher asked them why they were late.
This is how their conversation went on:
Teacher: Why are you late?
First student: I overslept.
Second student:Me too
Third student:Me three
Obviously, I was very upset but not too surprised when I saw flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I'm terribly sorry officer, I was just trying to make it to a meeting on time. "That's a shame" said the officer upon handing me my ticket. What time is your meeting? Two o'clock! The officer looked at his watch, you probably could still make it if you hurry up!
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just could not seem to get to work on time. Every day he was five, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. Nevertheless, he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang on job, but you are being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That is what I like to hear. It is odd though, you are coming in late. I know you are retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?'"
Two Hours Late
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her husband to come and take her for a dinner, the young wife thought that the dinner would never take place. She changed from her dinner dress into pyjamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV, her husband came home. She came out of her room with her pajamas.
He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late . . . and you're still not ready?"