As Lionel is walking past a house in Golders Green, he hears the voice of a woman shouting loudly and almost instantly knows she must be a mother. This is what he hears:
"Philip, you're not listening to me. You're much too young to be climbing a loft ladder. I want you to get off it right now."
"Did you hear me Philip? I said climb down at once. If you don't, you'll fall and you'll hurt yourself."
"OK, Philip. Don't say I didn't warn you. If you fall off the ladder and break both your legs, don't come running to me."
Getting Back The Ladder
Two rednecks, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
Mike:"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"Rob:What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
Mike:"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there.
Three guys enter a candy store. The first guy approaches the clerk and asks for 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
Since the jellybeans are on the top shelf, the clerk goes into another room, brings out a ladder, gets the jellybeans down, takes out 10 cents worth, puts the jellybeans back on the top shelf, and puts the ladder away.
Then, he goes to the second guy and asks what he wants. He, too, wants 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
So, the clerk goes into the other room, brings out the ladder, gets the jellybeans down and takes out 10 cents worth. Before putting them back up on the top shelf, he turns to the third guy and asks, "Do you want 10 cents worth of jellybeans?"
"No, thank you," he replies.
Hearing that, the clerk puts the jellybeans back up on the top shelf and puts the ladder away.
He returns to the third guy and asks, "So, what would you like?"
"I'd like 5 cents worth of jellybeans!" he replies.
Harry and his neighbour Joe often borrowed things from each other. One day, Harry asked to borrow Joe’s ladder. Joe said, “Sorry Harry, I’ve lent it to my son."
Remembering a saying that his grandma often used to tell him, Harry said, "Joe, you should never lend anything to your children because you'll never get it back."
Joe replied, "Don’t worry, it’s not my ladder. It's my dad's."
Two men were painting a house.
Pat: Have you got a good hold on that paint brush, Mick?
Mick: Yes, I have. Why?
Pat: Well, hold on tight, because I'm taking this ladder away.