Your 5 Jokes for June 10, 2012: KGB Jokes

The Parrot In The USSR

A certain Moscow family, fond of telling jokes, owned a parrot. One day it disappeared. They hunted high and low, but it was nowhere to be found. Without wasting any time the parrot's owner rushed to the KGB.

'Why come to us?' they asked. 'We haven't got your parrot, no one's brought it here.'

'Never mind, Comrade Commander, it's bound to be brought in soon and I just wanted to tell you that I don't share its opinions.'


I Don’t Love The Party

A Radio Erevan listener calls in:

- Dear Radio Erevan. I don't know what's the matter with me. I don't love the Party anymore. I feel nothing at all for Comrade Brezhnev or any of the leaders of the Party. What should I do?

Radio Erevan answers:

-Please send us your name and adress.


The Highjacking

A Georgian gets on a plane flight to Moscow. In the middle of the flight, another passenger pulls out a gun and demands the pilot fly to Paris. The Georgian jumps him, beats him silly, and announces "This plane flies to Moscow, as planned." When he lands, he is awarded a Hero of the Soviet Union medal. After the ceremony, the KGB interrogates him. "Tell us the truth, why did you really stop the hijacking?" The Georgian replies "There was no way I could have sold the oranges I was smuggling in Paris!"


The Mummy

An archaeologist finds a mummy in Egypt. An international debate starts over how old it could be... Nobody knows, so the mummy is brought to various countries for analysis by different experts...

It is brought to the USA first, the US specialists say, it is 3.000 years old.

Then, the Japanese, precise as usually, find that it is 2.953 years old.

The Russians come with the final result: "The mummy is 2.953 years, 5 months, 2 weeks and 4 days old". Journalists curiously ask how they found this out, the Russians reply: "The mummy was taken to the KGB and he confessed under torture"


The World Is Suffering

In Stalinist Moscow a man is running along the street shouting: 'The whole world is suffering because of one man! One man!'

He is seized and dispatched to the KGB.

There, he is taken to the interrogator's room.

'What were you shouting in the streets?' asks the interrogator.

'I was shouting that the whole world suffers because of one man.'

'And who did you have in mind?' The interrogator's eyes narrow.

'What do you mean, who?' The man is astonished. 'Hitler, naturally.'

'Ah-h-h...' smiles the interrogator. 'In that case you are free to leave.'

The man walks the length of the room, reaches the door, opens it and suddenly stops and turns around to face the interrogator.

'Excuse me, but who did you have in mind?'

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