Your 5 Jokes for August 16, 2012: Job Jokes

Downsizing With Humor

Boss: "Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of downsizing. Knock! Knock!"

Employee: "Who's there?"

Boss: "Not you anymore!"


Following Mommy’s Footsteps

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke to the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"


Monosyllabic

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"


Submerged

When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself.""Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy.""How?" asked Joe."Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?""I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.


What Would You Do?

Joe arrived early to the train switching yard where trains are routed and set on different tracks. Tom, the Train Switching Manager starts the interview and asks: What would you do if two trains are on the same track coming towards each other? Joe answers: I’ll go over and pull the switching lever and get one train on another track so they can pass safely. Ok, Tom says, What would you do if the switch handle is broken off? Joe: Well I would get the piece of steel over there by the shed and jamb it in the switch and use that as the lever. Ok good! Tom. What would you do if the switch lever is broken? Well, I would pick up the phone and call the main office and get them to switch it from there! Ok, very good! Tom: What would you do if no one answers the phone? Well, then I would call my cousin Vinny at the fire department and tell him to get down here right away. Tom: What good would that be? Well, he’s never seen two trains collide.

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