A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. “Now what should I do?" His mother has an idea. “Why dont you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes." " Whats wrong with that?" asked his mother. " We hadnt started eating yet."
Freda and Mark Levy won 8 million pounds in the National Lottery. They immediately went out to begin a life of living in luxury. They bought a luxurious mansion in Northwood, surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable and decided to hire a butler. After much searching, they found the perfect one.
One day, they instructed the butler to set up a dinner for four because they were inviting their friends, the Cohens, over for dinner and they will be going out for the day.
When they returned that evening, they found the table set for six. When they asked the butler why six places were set when they specifically instructed him to set the table for four, the butler replied: "The Cohens called and said that they were bringing the Bagels."
Rain Or Snow
A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there.I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, "I believe it's snowing". "No, it looks too wet to be snow," he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow...
Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!
Kanjibhai was preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Kanjibhai was not very good at English so he asked the printer to help him.
After the printer had presented Kanjibhai with a draft , Kanjibhai quickly pointed out that the " RSVP " was missing .
The printer was surprised by Kanjibhai's knowledge and asked him if Kanjibhai knew what it meant.
Kanjibhai started to think and after much thought he replied :
"Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
BOY: My love how are you doing?
GIRL: I'm fine.
BOY: Will you be free this weekend? Can you come to my house?
GIRL: I'm so sorry I can't make it because I will be attending my aunty's wedding and the next day I'll be busy, I'm so I guess I'm occupied.
BOY: Ooh ok, was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone 5, then buy you a new dress and the brazilian hair you've been asking for...
GIRL: I will be coming and may even spend the whole day with you.
BOY: What about the wedding?
GIRL: Which wedding, I was joking...
BOY: Really? Me too...