Your 5 Jokes for August, 08, 2013: Insanity Jokes

Escape

Two men planned to run away from the psychiatric hospital. They started planning and agreed that they will go to the gate, beat up the watchman, open the gate and run away.

When they reached the gate, the watchman was not there and the gate was wide open. They turned to each other and said "shit! our plan has failed, lets go back, we will try again tomorrow."


I Think I’m a Moth

A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong and the man says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth." To this the doctor responds, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like what you need is a therapist." "Yeah I know," replies the patient. "I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came in here because I saw your light was on."


Piece of Tarmac

A piece of black tarmac walks into a café and asks for a drink. The café keeper serves him, but just as the tarmac is sitting down in walks another piece of tarmac, this time painted orange. Terrified, the black tarmac leaps over the bar to hide.

"What's wrong?" asks the bemused café keeper, to which the tarmac replies: "I don't mess with him, he's a cycle path!"


Switched Courses

Max is a student at Manchester University and rings his mother. "Hi mum," he says, "I thought you should know that I’ve just switched courses and I’m now taking Psychology."
"Oy veh," says his mother, "I suppose you’ll now be analyzing everyone in the family."
"Oh no, mum," he replies, "I don't take abnormal psychology until next term."


What Time Is It?

A man is strolling past the insane asylum and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"

The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."

The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

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