Don’t Mess With The Boss
A manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly, jovial man.
But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him--his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it.
One day he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!"
Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
A lady had a height problem - she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car... So she visited an expert. The expert said:"Go visit the Dwarven Town. It's full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he'll marry you. Every time a dwarf says 'no,' you grow 10 cm shorter!"The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her. The dwarf replied:"No, no, no, no, no...! I don't want to marry a tall person like you! You're too tall! No, no, no, no, no!"
How Tall Is A Penguin?
This guy runs into a bar and shouts "Quick, how tall is a penguin?"
The bartender looks stunned.
"An empire penguin can be about this tall" he says, gesturing.
So the guy says, "Oh no, I just ran over two butlers!"
In an airplane the captain told the passengers: "This is your Captain speaking. We are losing height and we do not have fuel enough for reaching land. Therefore, we have to let all baggage leave the airplane."
The airplane got height again. Half an hour later the airplane lost height again and the captain were on the loudspeakers once more: "This is your captain speaking. We are still loosing height, and we can not reach land without having some passengers to leave the plane. It is a bad situation but we will do this in an honest and democratic way - we will use the alphabet -
starting with A. Are there any Argentinian passengers?" No one answered.
“With B, are there any Brazilian passengers?" Still no one answered. “With C. Are there any Canadian passengers?" Still no one answered but back in the airplane a little boy asked his father: "Dad, you have always told me to be honest. We are both from Argentina, we lived in Brazil and we have Canadian citizenship." "Yes, my son. That is right. But today we are from Venezuela."
Which Shoes To Wear?
In middle school, I was always self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear. When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."