Best Doctors In The World
A fellow was asked if there were any good doctors is his home town. "Good doctors!" he exclaimed. "We have the best doctors in the world. Dr. James Jones is one good doctor; he's great; he saved my life."
"You don't say! How was that?"
"I was very sick and called Dr. Smith. He gave me some medicine and I got very, very ill. I then called Dr. Peters. He gave me more medicine. I got worse - I thought I was going to die."
"Then I called Dr. Jones. He had no time to come. He saved my life."
A distraught man sought the advice of his wise pastor. “I was born blind," he exclaimed, “But some people tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."
The pastor paused a moment before speaking.
“I see you carry a cane," he said. “Whenvever people say that, hit them over the head with the cane. Then tell them if they had more faith it wouldn’t hurt!"
An old lady slipped and strained her knee. Her doctor bandaged it and warned her, 'If you don't take great care it's unlikely to heal properly. Don't rush around and don't climb any stairs.'
A fortnight later the old lady returned to have the bandage removed. The doctor was delighted to see that the leg had healed perfectly. 'Thank goodness for that!' said the old dear. 'I can't tell you what a fool I've felt, shinning up and down that drainpipe.
The Vet’s Pill
A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at all.
After checking the bull's vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill.
He forced open the bull's mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.
Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.
The vet exclaimed, "Well, looks like your bull is healed!"
The farmer replied, "Now give me one of those pills. I've gotta catch him!"
I said to my mate, "I just met a doctor who claims he can cure my illness."
I replied, "No, he's legal."