A Wager With A Gorilla
A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is anyone interested in a little wager?" he said, flashing some large bills around. "I've got $500. 00 here that says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards right down the middle... every time!"
Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment, the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, "I gotta see this!" he said. "You know, what? I'll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee."
When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest.
Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -- 6 inches from the cup.
The pro was astonished. "That's incredible!" he exclaimed. "How did you train him to hit the ball like that? There's no need for me to tee off. I couldn't beat him with a stick. Here's your money."
As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said, "Oh, by the way, how does he putt?"
The trainer responded, "Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time."
Playing With A Gorilla
One day in the middle of the desert a man's car breaks down. He remembers seeing a gas station nearby, so he decides to push his car. The man finally gets to the gas station and has the car fixed. Tired, the man asks the mechanic, "Hey, where is the nearest hotel?"
The mechanic replies, "No hotel here, but about 100 miles down the road you'll see there's a room under the cactus there. But what ever you do don't touch the big pink gorilla."
The man drives to the cactus. He opens a door and shuts it behind him, finds another door and shuts it behind him, then he finds a third door and shuts it behind him.
Lo and behold he sees a big pink gorilla in the room. The gorilla is docile and looks so cute and soft he's dying to touch it. He can't help himself. He walks over to the cage and starts trying to touch him through the bars.
As soon as the man lays a finger on him, the big pink gorilla freaks out. He beats his chest and rips his cage door clean off.
The man runs for his life. He opens the first door, slams it behind him. Opens the second door, slams it behind him. The man hears a crash as he opens the third door and slams it behind him.
The man hears a roar. He runs to the car, opens the door and shuts it. He locks all the doors and starts the car, as he sees the big pink gorilla racing towards him.
The big pink gorilla rips the car door off his car.The man thinks he's going to faint.
The gorilla pokes the guy and says, "Tag you're it!"
Search For A Job
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorilla’s skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
The King Of The Jungle
A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'
Pssst, Come Here!
A guy walks into the zoo when he sees a gorilla. The gorilla whispered: "psst come closer". The guy all surprised closed in a step. "Another step" the gorilla said. When the guy was finally against the fence, the gorilla whispered: "How did you escape?"