Your 5 Jokes for January 10, 2013: Gold Jokes

Golden Wedding Anniversary

Benny and Max meet one Sunday whilst parking their cars down a little road out of site of the church. As they begin their 5 minute walk to the church, Benny says, "I’m glad I’ve bumped into you Max. It’s my parents' Golden wedding anniversary next week and I would like you to come to the party."

"It’s nice of you to ask," replies Max, "Thank you, yes, I will come."

"And if you have some friends you can bring with you, please do so," says Benny, "It will be nice to have a lot of people at the party."

"Yes. I can bring Harry Cox and Melvyn Brown."

"Great, but don't forget to remind them to bring something gold."

"OK."

So Max brought a goldfish, Harry Cox brought a jar of Gold Blend coffee and Melvyn Brown brought Michael Goldbloom.


Gold Medal

Prior to the World Championships in Rome, Ben Johnson was asked whether he would prefer a gold medal or a world record. He said that he would prefer a gold medal because, "no one can ever take it away from me."


Splitting The Gold Piece

On the Hungarian - Soviet border, Hungarian and Soviet border guards find a huge piece of gold sticking out of the ground.

After arguing, on who should be the rightful owner, a Soviet border guard shouts: "I know komradez! Let's split it like brothers!".

Because Hungarians know well what the Soviet term "like brothers" means, a Hungarian border guard replies: "Oh, no, no! Not "like brothers", let's split it half-half!"


The Gold Coin

Billy was walking down the street, when a man approaching him slapped him really hard on the face. Billy was shocked. He stopped and stared at the man stunned. The man took a look at Billy and realized he had slapped the wrong person and apologized. But Billy did not accept his apology and took him to the judge.

When the judge heard the story, he thought for a moment, and then told Billy: "In retribution why don't you slap at the man also." But Billy did not accept that judgment. So the judge asked the man to give Billy a gold coin as the penalty. The man accepted, but since he had no gold coins with him, he said he would go to his home and bring the coin.

Billy waited a long time and the man did not show up. He walked up to the judge and slapped him real hard on the face and said: "Your honor, I have business to attend to and I must leave. Could you please accept the coin that the man brings on my behalf?"


The Gold Watch

A judge was instructing the jury that because a witness changed his statement after giving it to the police, he should not necessarily be regarded as untruthful.

"For example," the judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was certain that I had my gold watch in my pocket, then I remembered that I had left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge arrived home that evening, his wife asked, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Don't you think sending three men to pick it up for you was a bit extreme?"

"What?" exclaimed the judge. "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," replied his wife, "after all, he knew exactly where it was."