Your 5 Jokes for December 10, 2012: Garden Jokes

Garden And Fire Department

A man calls the fire department and says, "Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden.""Very nice," the firefighter says, "but what does that have to do with the fire service?""Well," the man answers, "the house next door is on fire and I don't want you to trample my front yard."


Playing With The Kids

Natalie had three very active sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, mum."
So Natalie fell down.

Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day".


Rolls of Turf

Michael O'Leary was waiting at the bus stop with his friend, Paddy Maguire, when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. Funniest Irish Joke

O'Leary opined, 'I'm gonna do that when I win de lottery, Maguire.'

'What's that, Michael?' responds his mate.

'Send me lawn away to be cut,' concludes O'Leary.


Two Spade Depth

Mark, who was a keen gardener was out in his plot one day when from over the fence his neighbour asked for some advice on planting potatoes. Mark told him that soil preparation was important and to dig to two spade depths, this being to loosen the stiff clay soil. About an hour later, Mark looked over the fence to see how things were going, imagine his surprise to see his neighbours head just sticking out the top of this deep trench. His neighbour had thought that two spade depths meant the full spade including the handle.


Watching TV

This guy was watching television as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He went out to ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his old lady was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day, looking at the babes in the tight spandex, doing their exercises. She shot back at him, "Think of me as dead and do what you would do if I was."
So, he went back into the house and fixed himself a big steak, baked potato, and a large glass of iced tea. She walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked, "So you fixed something to eat? Where is mine?" To which he replied, "I thought you were dead..."

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