A Fly in the Soup
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females."
"How could you tell them apart, Joe? asked Charlie.
"Joe replied, "It was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a pizza, and the 2 females were on the phone."
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[The waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day.. $2.50
Access to support. . . . . . . . . $1.00
The Swine Flies
An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper.
"You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
"These flies sure are terrible," the trooper complained.
Yep," the farmer said. "Them are swine flies."
"What's a swine fly?"
"Them flies that fly around pigs," answered the farmer. "Them are swine flies."
"You wouldn't be calling me a swine, would you?" the trooper angrily asked.
"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies."
Male and Female
An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, "Mira el mosca! (= Look at the fly)" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, "No, señor, you should use the word “mosca" with “la", and say 'la mosca'..., it’s a feminine noun."
The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, "Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight."